


Frottage de Fromage (Legend of Poutine)

by shackles_of_the_madness



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Crack, Fairy Tale Parody, Frottage, M/M, cum licking, erotic food play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 19:40:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11042970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shackles_of_the_madness/pseuds/shackles_of_the_madness
Summary: One day JJ of the kingdom of Canadia finds himself cursed by an old woman. But the royal ball is coming up and anything could happen!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> written in pieces in chat by [Nico](http://chaotic-tendenci.tumblr.com), edited by her partner in crime [Issu](https://issushaim.tumblr.com)

Once upon a time there was a bitch. Who looked like a bitch. His name was JJ. JJ was a bitchy bitch of a Canadian maple princess. He played in the forest with his beaver and moose friends. And oiled his muscles all day and wore a toque evidently. 

One day an old woman came to his castle in Canadia and said "Please, I'm very thirsty. Please give me something to drink." 

JJ said **OF COURSE** in a loud voice and brought her a cup.

The old woman took one drink and spat it out. “WTF is this?!” said the old woman.

“It’s !” screamed JJ. The cup was full of maple syrup.

“This is not a drink!” the old woman said, and she put a curse on JJ. She cursed JJ to turn into a horrible beast. But to everyone’s surprise, his appearance didn’t change! 

“JJ IS ALREADY A SEXY BEAST!” screamed JJ. So the old woman got very frustrated and cursed JJ to sweat gravy. Then the old woman left. 

JJ had no idea that the old woman had cursed him at first, because gravy and oil are hard to distinguish.Then it came time to go to the ball. JJ put on his plaid velvet shorts and his toque and went to the ball. 

All of the most beautiful members of the kingdom were at the ball. Most wearing very little because it was THAT kind of ball. King Chris watched over them all. JJ had been wearing mountie boots but he took them off to go into the ball.

Anyway, JJ loved to dance and sing. For his first dance he took the hand of the lovely Georgi who was wearing only feathers. They danced a lovely slow waltz. 

For his second dance he took the hand of the reserved Seung-gil who was also wearing only feathers, but in COLORS. They danced the macarena. 

For his third dance JJ wanted to dance with the beautiful Guang Hong, but Guang Hong looked at JJ and said, "I... I need to... brush my hair sorry" and ran away. 

JJ was confused. How could anyone refuse him? Then he went to the lovely Yuri. 

"Fuck off you greasy ass bastard," said the lovely Yuri. His hair was covered with beautiful pomade. Not grease! 

JJ noticed the dancers were giving him a wide berth. Why?! Why would no one dance with him? He was a little sweaty but he had oiled his muscles before coming and the sweat should be glistening on them like dewy leaves. 

JJ tried again and again to find a dance partner. He just wanted to shake his groove thang, but alas no one would take his hand. Yuuri said, "Sorry... I'm on a diet," and fled. Victor said, "Lol, nah thanks. I'm good." Phichit said, "Imma post this on instagram"

King Chris looked on and watched. Finally JJ slunk into the bathroom. Was his hair out of place? Was there something on his face? Why would no one dance with him? 

When he entered the bathroom, he froze in shock. Dripping from his bulging pecs and defined abs was something sticky and brown.

He frantically ran to the sink and tried to scrub it away. But the more frantic he got the more the brown stuff appeared. He dropped his head into his hands and collapsed on the floor. This was not his patented MUSCLE OIL. As he sobbed into his hands some of the brown stuff got in his mouth. It was gravy! How?! He wondered. How could this happen?! Then he remembered the old woman who had cursed him to be a beast and had gotten angry that he already was. Was this her doing?  
Surely this was why no one would dance with him! 

Suddenly the bathroom door opened. JJ frantically stood, running for a stall to hide his greasy ass. A hand caught his, but slipped away on the gravy. He slammed into a stall and locked the door

"Why are you hiding?" said a deep voice.

"I was cursed by an evil witch and now am sweating gravy!" JJ cried.

"Gravy?" said the voice. There was the sound of the person licking the hand they had caught his arm with.

"It is gravy!" said the voice "And very fine quality too!"

"Of course it is," JJ sniffled, "Anything of mine would be."

"Come out, my gravy boat," said the voice, "I think you could be the answer to my prayers."

JJ hesitated. Slowly he unlocked the door. he poked his head out of the stall and saw…?

VOTE NOW!

CALL 1-800-BUTTSEX


	2. Chapter 2

Result of vote: 

Too bad this is a dictatorship.

He saw none other than KING CHRIS!

"What... what do you mean?" JJ asked. 

“You see,” King Chris said, drawing him out, “I too was cursed by a witch.”

“You were?” JJ asked, taking the offered hand.

“Indeed. I had all but given up hope of ever finding someone to love me, because of my horrifying curse.”

“What… kind of curse is it?” JJ asked, concerned. What if it was something horrible? Like his breath smelled really bad? Or he was allergic to protein powder?

“Come, let me show you” said King Chris.

JJ followed the king through the halls of the palace. He led him up to the highest tower. At the top of the tower was a heavy door.

King Chris pushed open the door and JJ stared at the room inside.

"Is... this your curse?" JJ asked "All of this... glitter?"

"What?" said King Chris, confused "No... this is my bedroom?"

"Oh..." said JJ.

King Chris pulled him inside and shut the heavy door. "Now, I will show you my curse."

"Were you cursed by an old woman, like me?" JJ asked.

"That's of no consequence," said King Chris. King Chris walked over to the window and turned. His furry chest glinted in the light. He reached down and with a smooth movement pulled down his glittery purple lycra shorts.

JJ gasped. King Chris' penis was covered in strange white lumps. "What... is that?" JJ asked.

"My curse" King Chris sighed. He plucked off a piece. "Try it, I promise it's nothing bad."

JJ hesitated a moment but took the piece and put it in his mouth. “Why! This is the finest of cheese curds I have ever tasted!” he exclaimed.

"Please, I... have something I would like to try" King Chris begged. JJ hesitated a moment, but nodded. King Chris came forward, rubbing his lumpy dick. "Come to bed with me," he said, pushing JJ toward his glittering bedspread.

JJ fell to the bed, gravy pouring from his pores as he sweated nervously. King Chris climbed on top of him. His dick pulsated with cheesy pustules... fuck forgot this word in english… seethed.... no.... fuck, moving frantically against each other. They danced together in a frottage of fromage, finally coming together in twin jets of the finest gravy and pure cheesy curds.

King Chris ran his tongue along their conjoined spending. "Taste this" King Chris said, holding out a cum covered hand.

JJ licked the proffered palm.

"Oh!" he exclaimed, "It's good!"

Together they proceeded to lick each other clean, reveling in the magic they had created together. When they were at last free of gravy and cheese, JJ realized that King Chris' dick was no longer covered in pustules and gravy was no longer seeping from his pores.

"The curse! It's broken!" he cried.

"I am both glad and sad," said King Chris, "for while the curse did make wearing my favorite pants uncomfortable, I find shall miss it."

"Me too," JJ sighed, "I shall forever dream of the taste of our co-mingled cursed cum."

"I have just had an idea." said King Chris, "to celebrate the curse that brought us together."

And so it was decreed that potatoes covered in gravy and cheese curds would be the national dish of the kingdom of Canadia. A banquet was held and all of the kingdom feasted upon it and were amazed.

King Chris and the newly crowned Queen JJ shared a loving glance over the dinner. And they lived happily ever after, until King Chris had his next outbreak and had to admit the nature of his curse.


End file.
